Existence

It’s not exactly the yearning to explain the futility of what now I have decided is caged existence. The feeling of selling your soul for 8 odd hours isn’t all that good especially considering the fact it is expected that you do it. Never mind the loads of opinions that are thrown at you. Ceaseless information about growth , happiness / Sadness, war, the relentless march of materialism, widening disparities, dogma , race, religion, ideologies, its like being sucked into a whirlpool which , in retrospect, you feel was awaiting you since your existence. Irony lies in the fact that the norms of society seem to lead me to this whirlpool making sure it engulfs me, overpowers me, and stifles me. The vertigo seems unperturbed as I glance out to see my life measured in terms of “long term career progress”, “material comfort”, “stability”, and “conformance”. Moreover, the faithless Darwinian in me asks me repeatedly “Is this what evolution had in plans for human beings – just being part of an endless rat race (Natural Selection Redefined)”.
The struggle seems to increase every time I make an attempt to get three worthy winks of sleep to feel the “Me” in Myself . For I keep asking myself repeatedly “do moments of my existence need to be measured by assured “security” and “peace” that society seems eager to bestow upon me? “ . The answer seems to be a NO and sometime soon I intend to lead a life that reflects the NO. Just let lose and jump off a cliff leaving behind the baggage of social expectations, being judged in a narrow deterministic way, “pseudo companionship”, “professional growth” etc etc.
It seems paradoxical to me that the search for “true” happiness is the actual cause of the misery. After a long thought there a few things that I think will definitely bestow upon my current existence some happiness. Here goes the list

1) The solitary moments at night when I feel real kicked and ecstatic reading Gibran and I simultaneously recall Pete Townsend pleading someone on the following lines
“ When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool”
The mere contrast - knowing that there are two sides- one making me feel happy (the Gibran part) and another contrasting feeling (aptly described by the Townsend lyrics) which reminds me not to go overboard and be too happy cause reality is still lurking around somewhere, its this mere contrast that makes me feel that there is happiness at night which makes me go numb but at the same time mundane existence beckons me after every sun rise.

2) Visiting Iceland. For just one bloody reason
“Laugardaelir Church Cemetery
Selfoss
Hafnarfjordur, Iceland”

Not just another Grave, but the grave of Robert James “Bobby” Fischer. The “weird” American with balls of steel and one helluva mind to snatch away from the Soviets what they dominated until then - the World Chess Championship. RIP Bobby ….Long Live Chess

3) The Death Camps in Poland and Germany. What attracts me to this place is me wanting to “feel” the eerie silence which repeatedly reminds the world of what Dogma/Political beliefs/ Religion or any Institution without a semblance of rationality can do.

4) The remains of the Ancient Amphitheatre in Pompeii, Italy. Just one reason that I want to see this place. The greatest song in the history of rock – Echoes- had a “video shoot” out here. Pink Floyd Period. RIP Syd and Rick.

5) Machu Pichu – Standing there …. Recalling Gibran “On freedom” and Pink Floyds “Coming Back to Life”.

6) Last but not least BOOKS - Science, History, Gibran

Dwarak